Complexs  inferiority

Sally walks into a room full of high-flying executives. She scans the room with her eyes and sees the executives dressed in expensive suits, sipping champagne, and mingling amongst each other. As she enters the room, she can’t help but feel “different” to the executives.

She feels the executives are an entire class above her. Maybe it is the executives’ suits while she is just wearing a basic top and skirt that is making her feel “below standard”. Maybe she has this strange difference because she doesn’t know the executives very well and she feels socializing with them is therefore difficult. Or maybe she has what is known as the inferiority complex.

In 1912, a psychologist by the name of Alfred Alder wrote a book titled The Neurotic Character. His research in this book founded a popular area of psychology known as the inferiority complex which is a term used to describe a sense of inferiority an individual feels about oneself towards other people. It revolves around social status, power, ego, and dominance. You will have an inferiority complex when you feel inferior and think that other people are better than you.

Sally in our example is likely to feel inferior if she thinks the executives are better than she is. Her inferiority has nothing to do with not knowing the executives or being different. Dressing differently, not knowing anyone while everyone else knows each other, and having a less prestigious job doesn’t mean she is inferior. Rather, her interpretation of this situation that makes her feel “below standard” creates her inferiority.

An inferiority complex can arise when you experience an imagined or conditioned feeling of inferiority. As is the case for most people, it is a combination of imagination and subtle conditioning. You would feel inferior when an event takes place which makes you feel less than others (conditioning aspect) and your creative imagination (imagination aspect) would “blow out” your understanding of the event beyond what would seem reasonable to another person. The severity of such can cause sufferers to seek help from professionals with counseling degrees.

The conditioning aspect in Sally’s example is her actually being different to the executives. She is not wearing the same clothes as the executives nor is she “a part of the group”. The imagination aspect for Sally is her clothes are below their standards, the executives are better than her, the executives want nothing to do with her because of her difference, plus a lot of other possibilities she is likely to think. Let’s discuss the conditioning and creative imaginary aspects deeper.

Conditioning

I would be completely lying and doing everyone a disfavor if I said, “The inferiority complex is all in the mind. Just stop thinking you’re inferior because you’re not.” If it were so simple, then billions of people would not experience feelings of inferiority sometime in their life. The inferiority complex is society’s psychological black plague, spreading and devouring lives.

My main motivation in writing this article was to provide an accurate source of information to overcome the problem based on what works. The information in this article is a collection of the most useful advice on the inferiority complex I’ve synthesized about same years ago, along with specific lessons I’ve developed myself in overcoming my own inferiority complex;  know of who solely emphasis positiveness in overcoming feelings of inferiority.

I did some brief browsing on the web to see what information was available on the inferiority complex, and most of the advice offered is harmful. “Experts” were telling people “things will get better”, “be more positive”, or “it’s not so bad”. If you have the inferiority complex and someone says similar things to you, then you’ll understand the massive frustration caused from the misunderstanding when someone gives you such poor advice.

Positive thinking can be nicely understood through an analogy in a Bible verse. In Luke chapter 5 (NKJV), Jesus was talking to some Pharisees who were complaining. Jesus replied to them in a parable so that they would be more likely to understand:

“No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.”

The garment and the wineskins examples are what positive thinking does to our self-image. A new patch over the bad garment improves the garment a little bit yet it is still its same old self. If new wine (positive thinking) is poured into old wineskins (your poor self-image of feeling inferior), then nothing good will result. It is a battle of willpower and what is known as creative imagination.

Positive thinking can slightly improve the situation, but in the end it usually results in frustration as our willpower becomes exhausted. Whenever there is a fight between willpower and creative imagination, creative imagination will be the victor. I repeat for emphasis, your creative imagination, which consists of images and feelings, will always conquer your willpower.

From personal experience and coaching others, I know first hand that a better self-image where you do not feel inferior cannot be achieved through positive self-talk, affirmations, and the like. Unfortunately, thousands of people have taught and continue to teach that using positive self-talk will overcome your problems. Positive self-talk is often nothing more than an attempt to live deliriously from reality and ignore what is really taking place.

In chapters 2 and 14 of my Communication Secrets of Making People Like You program, I discuss these issues in depth. We are conditioned by society to believe that being positive during our own problems and when comforting others is a good thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a side note, if you are interested in becoming a strong pillar in someone’s life where you are able to emotionally support people, gain their respect, friendship, and remain stable, composed, and poised without feeling depressed or insane.

The primary factors of the conditioning aspect that determines whether you become inferior, or rise above the circumstance, is your attitude towards criticism and failure. Don’t forget that there is the creative imagination aspect, which is a more powerful influence towards feeling inferior; yet criticism and failure are the most powerful influences towards the conditioning component.

Criticism and failure will always be banging at your door to success. Unfortunately, most of us let the two burglars get a foot hold within our lives and let them steal what mental goods we possess. Criticism compounds criticism and failure demotivates you resulting in more failure. We will always do things that are inferior to what other people can do. The trick is to stop associating yourself with your actions.

Inferiority arises when doing becomes being. Actions of inferiority, when you associate what you do with yourself, becomes actions of being. For example, getting poor results at school makes you think you’re dumb. You become dumb, and feel inferior, because of your action of getting poor results. A guy who gets poor results at school and doesn’t feel inferior, dissociates himself with the result. He doesn’t let his lack of study and effort over the past weeks make him feel that he is the result he obtained.

You will never be able to eliminate criticism or failure. The conditioning aspect of inferiority will always exist. Therefore, to overcome the inferiority complex you cannot expect yourself to avoid failure, dodge criticism, or have all your humanly characteristics as being better than average. Overcoming the conditioning aspect of the inferiority complex is a matter of learning and moving on while maintaining a goal-focused attitude. Again, you need to learn and move on from criticism and your failures.

Inferiority arises when doing becomes being.

You and I will always have our critics provided we are not mediocre. Anyone who has achieved anything notable sooner or later receives harsh criticism. Should you desire to no longer be criticized, go find a dark corner where you can hide and be a nobody. Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher, said “Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

When you feel criticism is a signal of your unworthiness then it begins to stimulate inferiority, shame, and failure. Don’t take criticism personally and think you are a failure. Justly deserved criticism needs to be used as feedback to adjust your course of action as it guides you back on the path of not feeling inferior.

People criticize you in an attempt to improve your life, release their frustration, or because they have their own problems. Feelings of inferiority, like criticism, can be used as a signal to grow and develop yourself. Sometimes you can take the criticism as a sign of you progressing forward in life. I am certain that if I hadn’t experienced feelings of inferiority in areas throughout my life that I wouldn’t have bothered to work on myself and personally grow. No way would I be writing this large, powerful article here today. As a matter of fact, I’m 100% I would not be teaching any communication skills.

Okay, so what factors affect a person’s harsh words? The impact of criticism is determined by the power of the sender, intensity, and frequency. These three factors are not limited to criticism. I’d say just about all positive and negative messages’ impact is determined by these three factors.

If you are passionate about boxing and Muhammad Ali told you how hopeless you are at boxing, then his power will intensify the criticism. In addition, if his criticism was delivered in an intense outburst, then the criticism would have a bigger impact on you feeling inferior as a boxer. Lastly, if he also constantly reminded you how hopeless you are at boxing, this would stimulate further inferiority.

We all have been criticized. Some people suffer while other’s flourish and experience great levels of confidence, success, happiness, and intimate relationships. Why is this and what can you do to overcome your inferiority complex?

Think of a time when the power of the sender, intensity of the criticism, and the frequency you were criticized made you feel inferior. If you can and I suggest you do, make your selected memory one related to your current feelings of inferiority. If you are a shy person then perhaps think of a time when someone told you to stop talking because you have nothing good to say.

Once you have come up with one or several memories, ask yourself these questions:

What were you thinking when the person made you feel inferior?

What emotions did you experience?

What self-talk followed the person’s negative feedback?

How long did these feelings and thoughts last?

How intense were these feelings and thoughts?

After answering these questions, if you reacted poorly to the negative feedback given to you in these situations, you should now be more aware of how your feeling of inferiority developed. This is big. If you have the inferiority complex or know someone with it, I hope you’re getting excited about this insight.

The powerful lesson we can learn from this is that people’s criticism and other types of negative feedback has no power over you. It isn’t the events that make you inferior; it is your reaction to the events. It is the thoughts and feelings you experience after the event that determine whether your inferiority grows or dies. The conditioning aspect of inferiority partly manifests through the criticism of others, if we let it, yet our reaction to the event usually determines who we become